A Year Ago
503 – Walden Nov/21/17
A year ago. Papa walked pass us. It was painful, hurtful and agonizing. On the outside, I seem unaffected. On the inside, it is a totally different picture. To this day, 365 days later, I am still hurting. I kept myself part busy with taking care of Mama, and most days, I scroll over the pictures Papa left behind. (Amber finished scanning about 8,000 pictures, and I have 2 more huge big boxes containing film negatives that needed to be scanned, I estimated there should to be another 8,000 pictures.) Siku-Johnny, helped me with negative scanning 32 full-envelopes before leaving for Davao last Nov-9. – Matt Matt completed all the picture negative scan and added another 4,000 more picture files to the server.
I have always loved writing, I wish I have inherited this from Papa and Mama, but well, I cannot even write and read Chinese. 🙂 About a week ago, I have Papa on my thoughts almost every morning as I lay awake and thought about what Papa would have been doing now.
What’s in the song “A Year Ago”
Bruised and burnt, my head down to my knees.
This is about Papa’s desire for cremation. Mama did say that the act was cruel and harsh.
Let go my son, but my heart says no!
Even when I was outwardly trying to be strong, my heart was aching and hurting. I am having a hard time letting go.
Twas yesterday… Of kings and queens, that I loved so well.
I keep remembering stories Papa used to tell. 3 Kingdoms, Khong Ming, Yei Fei, Beans & the Beanstalk, or even Shakespeare (1)), Abraham, Job.
Songs you sing, the river and the mighty tree
Psalm 1:1-3. Papa’s song – He is like a tree.
“Live life by once, walk graceful, walk free”
Papa wrote this on Sep-11, 2012, ““Walk Graceful, But Once.”
Hong Kong in China, Long Beach in LA.
Papa in his autobiography, wrote “I would prefer that you cremate my body and scatter my ashes into the sea.” Further, verbally, he explained that he wanted us (the family) to be able to remember him anywhere we are. I thought I remembered him saying that the “ocean is connected, whenever you are in the sea, I will be there.”
Hong Kong is where he spend most of his most brilliant years. and Long Beach in L.A. is where we finally laid Papa to rest. And wherever you are, in LA or in Old Manila Bay, there he will be with you and me.
A Year Ago – The Song.
I reached out to a musician friend in UK, Deri Susino to help me write the melody for the poem, and we worked on this for 4 days, and came out with the music. I did some changes get the lyrics rhyming and fitting to the melody. Deri played piano and violin, and did the vocals. Here’s A Year Ago, the song.
(1) About Shakespeare, please read page 53 of Papa’s Autobiography. Very interesting fact about Shakespeare showing up in the Bible.
I AM SORRY MY DEAREST PAPA
505, Nov-2017
My dearest Papa,
Words alone is not enough to express how much I appreciate what you have done to me and my family. I am so sorry for ignoring your unconditional love. I did not realize back then until the last few days of your life. I even said some unnecessary hurtful words to you that I now regret. I don’t need to mention what I said to you but I believe you know what it was. I realized it’s too late but I want to express my utmost apology to you. I am so sorry Pa. That was very childish of me. I know whatever you did was for my best interest. I love you and I miss you so much, please forgive me. I love you both Pa and Ma.
Chiak-Chiak
